A new 13th season episode

Allergy In A Rain Forest ★★★★

Psycho killer Marcus Lucien (William Watson) escapes from the transport van on his way to prison. Not only does he shoot the three guards dead, but he eats their corpses. Quickly summoned to pursue him, McGarrett and Danno are soon on the scene, and Manicote shows up freaking out because his daughter is on a field trip somewhere in the same area. When Lucien lies down in a field of ragweed to avoid the cops, he starts sneezing something fierce. As a result, Manicote is alerted to his presence and he shoots the notorious "butcher" dead. Unfortunately, Manicote is hounded from the Attorney-General's office because the gun he used for this was "borrowed" from the HPD evidence room under suspicious circumstances and his character is never seen on the show again (again). Meanwhile, Manicote's daughter Karen and David, the speechless "nature boy" who helped her after she got lost in the forest, leave Hawaii. On the mainland David founds an organization advocating rights for mute people and Karen goes to law school, becoming Hawaii's first female Attorney-General years later.

Season 13 Episodes Mr. Mike you created were very creative. I'll try to do a few of these.

KONOIOLO Season 13 (5 Stars Out Of 6)

In deep trouble with the IRS and his finances, Paniolo sells the ranch to Kono who has received a recent inheritance from 1 of the last descendants of the great Kings. Kono agrees to have the Paniolo still live on the property. While doing some survey work, workers discover a small rock formation like a grave. It's instead the small entrance to an underground cave filled with gold and silver coins worth thousands of dollars. Kono receives info from a worker, Lonnie, about the coin treasure but is killed before providing the location. With a murder on the property, McG the HFO team and Kono investigate the murder. Everyone is a suspect even the Paniolo himself. Who will find the coin treasure location before more deaths follow? JC

THE GRAND PIANO PLAY (Season 13 5.5 Stars Out Of 6)

McGarrett & The HFO team investigate the death of 5 musicians over 6 months time who died after playing a famous piano "Angela Belle" on stage. The piano had been taken from the Hawaiian Art & Music Museum and placed on stage during the busy Summer Concert Series. The ages of the deaths ranged from 33 to 76. Wearing gloves and masks, Che and the lab crew examine the piano to find the cause of the deaths. Che discovers certain keys when struck would hit a small ampule or capsule placed by the perpetrator. This particular powder "Lexxon 24" becomes a deadly poison released into the air. Similar to the scene in The French Connection, the piano is taken apart and reassembled carefully. McGarrett find their man Mr. Terrance "Terry" Maloney. It appears Maloney a Chemist was turned down by the Hawaii Music & Fine Arts College for a scholarship and aid years ago. He decided to "get even" with musicians because HE should have been in their shoes. McG and the HFO team watch a young prodigy Sahara playing "Angela Belle" as the episode closes. JC

STEELE NOW, SURVIVE LATER Season 13 (4 Stars Out Of 6).
Arthur Collins Steele has arrived in Hawaii to show off his outstanding collection of paintings. He is both a famous painter and collector of works. During his 3rd day on the Islands, Steele is kidnapped outside of his hotel and taken to the Hawaii National Rain Forest. The kidnappers demand a 3 million dollar reward for Steele's safe return. McG & The HFO team have 58 hours to meet the demand. Their only clue is a small matchbook dropped by Steele when he was kidnapped. Inside the cover, a name simply GAYLE is written. Gayle Raven now 27 is really Steele's daughter. Steele had a few romantic nights on vacation in Hawaii over 27 years ago. Gayle who believed her Father had deserted her growing up formed this plan with a violent, ex-con criminal and Tattoo Artist, Stone Foxworth. A 3rd Conspirator, Robert Jaymes, runs a small Art Gallery and knows the worth of the Steele's paintings and some willing wealthy buyers of Steele's work. Foxworth grabs Steele's wallet and tosses it to Gayle. Opening the wallet, she notices a few pictures of herself of various ages. Her mother, Rita, had lied about Steele. He did care about her life. Flooded with emotion, Gayle drives to drop off a 2nd ransom note and contacts McG and the HFO team. She also gives them the address where the stolen paintings are hidden. In the back room of Jaymes Art Gallery. Can McG and the HFO team save Steele in time?

Uh, do you realize that the 13th season episodes are supposed to be funny?

YES, MY DEADLY KOTTER (5 Stars Out Of 6)

After moving from NYC and 7 years teaching in Hawaii, Mr. Kotter contracts an amoeba brain eating disease after eating chicken chow mein at Chin Ho's restaurant. He becomes a killing machine murdering victims with chopping slide rulers, exploding chalk, and poison pencils and tablet paper. Kono lets out a string of increasing high octave farts with the tension rising. Now setting off McG's car alarm. The sound of the constant ringing alarm places an end to Kotter's madness. He begins singing songs from Grease in opera-style and asking for John Travolta. The stand-off continues for another 4 hours until Travolta is contacted and flown into Hawaii. The situation appears to be cooled down with Travolta talking and Kotter more relaxed. Suddenly, HFO realizes they have been tricked! Wo Fat had his face altered to look like John Travolta in the movie Face/Off. They alternate throwing pieces of Kotter's exploding chalk keeping HFO at bay. Lee Mei and the Wu-Chings give chase to Kotter and Wo Fat who are running towards the helicopter containing the millions of dollars stolen. Wo Fat turns shooting a spider web from his wrists stopping the HFO team and other pursuers in the wide sticky web and escapes with Kotter.

ICE ICE BABY BURNING (Season 13) 5 Stars Out Of 6

Vanilla Ice popular late 1980's and 1990's rapper stars as Himself in a quality 2 Part episode. He is finishing the last round of concert tour shows in Hawaii and then staying in Hawaii for 2 weeks vacation. He decides to help in funding and judging a rapping contest Hawaii RAP Night G's at Sonny K's. The 3 top winners will have Vanilla Ice work on and help produce a single for them. An old rapping rival, K-Money 3, follows Ice to Hawaii to steal Vanilla Ice's prized collection of gold chains and diamonds. K-Money has a standing beef with Vanilla Ice on 3 songwriting credits he was not given. These songs "The Pump And Grind," "Master O My Domain," and " The Fever" made Ice millions of dollars with K-Money receiving nothing for his work. K-Money believes stealing the expensive chains and diamonds would make the score settled. After stealing the chains and the diamonds in Ice's room, K-Money 3 suddenly dies at the Rap Night Contest from ingesting some of Chin Ho's poison pineapple fondue and aqua fish casserole sent up to Ice's room earlier. This poison food was intended for Ice. McG decides to go undercover as a rapper "Capricorn G" to find the possible perpetrator. He wears a neon orange jumpsuit, white feather boa, large gold chain, and black fedora hat.

While at the Rap Contest, McG discovers a threatening note demanding $300,000 from Ice or he was to be murdered in 48 hours. McG is vigilant and follows a masked rapper The Headz Hunterz who is in the contest. He watches closely as the man is writing the 2nd letter to Ice for the location drop of the $300,000. In his Capricorn G outfit, McG apprehends the man. It's 1 of Ice's Tour Managers, Philly Mackerol. In his green fanny pack, they find the poison vial and some of Vanilla Ice's gold chains and diamonds. He is arrested.

Under the intense HFO team grilling, Philly Mackerol admits K-Money 3 and he were partnered together to steal Ice's gold chains and diamonds. Philly explains he got greedy poisoning K-Money 3 and was hoping to take out Ice as well. When the investigators confiscated the poison food, he decided to take out Ice himself and receive the $300,000. Vanilla Ice awards the Top 3 finishers some prize money and the opportunity to work with him on a single. The episode closes with Ice doing a small concert for the HFO team and closest friends. JC

Still not funny, John. These "reviews" sound more like plot ideas which might have been used on the reboot (2010-2020).

Reminds me of this exchange I had with someone by e-mail several years ago:

THEM: Hello - We have bought all of the original Hawaii 50 dvds, 1 thru 12. Howeve the Hawaii 50 Home Page lists a 13th season with episode descriptions. Will this season be available on dvd? If not, is there any way to view them? Thank you very much.
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ME: Look at the top of the page. What do you see?
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THEM: I don't understand...top of what page?
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ME: Where do you see the 13th season "listed"?
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THEM: Where all the seasons and are listed across the page.....it shows a season 13 with episode descriptions with the first being about a porno sting.....that's why I'm confused. On the Hawaii 50 home page, you scroll down to where all the seasons are listed in blue across the page...it shows a season 13 to click on.
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ME: Go to the page you have just described about the "porno sting." Look at the top of the page. What do you see there? (I am talking about the title of the page.)
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THEM: Do you mean where it says Season 13 etc., with a smiley face?
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ME: Yes, what does the smiley face suggest to you, especially since none of the other season analysis pages have this?
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THEM: You are saying this season 13 was a joke on your part?
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ME: Yes.

INVITATION TO A FRAME---THE PETE KING STORY (SEASON 10) 3.5 STARS OUT OF 4.

The young artist, Pete King, from Beautiful Screamer has now become a famous Hawaiian artist known for his brilliant Abstract and Impresssionist paintings. When he is contacted and hired by the Barlowe family to paint copies of Addison Barlowe's great works, he is honored and works for several months. Carolyn has already forged the Classic paintings giving 2 copies of each Barlowe original. When Addison and Carolyn are suddenly found dead within a week's time, Pete King becomes the prime suspect as the belief Pete King became aware of Barlowe family members selling forgeries and some of his paintings for thousands of dollars. A strong frame type episode.

The Vigoda Factor ★★★

Phil Fish from the New York City Police Department retires and moves to Hawaii, thinking the sunny climate will help him with his world-weary demeanor and his hemorrhoids. However, he gets fed up sitting around the house all day listening to his nagging wife, so he drops in to the Five-O office, having worked with them on a case several years ago which involved the Mafia. Although he cracks up the team with his pronunciations of "Bahney" and "Boiniece," McGarrett is disturbed when Fish brings along his huge, nasty dog which looks like a Great Dane. (Thanks to Lorraine McWilliams.)